I am learning that it's okay to give in.
I've been so afraid to stop fighting.
Sometimes we fight so much we want to give up. Because it is so tiring. So lonely. So heavy.
We fight so hard and find ourselves beating the air in tears, only to realize that it has been this way because we haven't let ourselves stop to rest. Because resting is like giving up early. and God doesn't want us to give up. But now it's nearing the end and we can't make it. All this fighting on our own. But maybe.. maybe we need to stop fighting and let others fight for us, carry us to the end. And maybe that's how it is supposed to be, how it was always meant to be. We reach the point where we can't do it anymore, and then Christianity says- BUT, wait! He can finish it for you.
I can't do it, so I'm passing it on to someone who can do it for me.
I need to rest. And let Him do the fighting for me. For us.
I know you're tired. Of course you are tired. I am starting to realize that you can and need rest.
Giving in is different than giving up. Both involve surrender. I visualize myself throwing myself to the ground with my hands outstretched on the floor. Or just letting go. Like I've been swimming in the ocean so hard, swimming against the current, fighting to stay afloat. Fighting.. as the waves lap over me and the water around me churns and foams. But giving in says, stop. Just stop and let everything go. So I let the water swallow me, even though I know I don't want to drown. And letting go sounds so peaceful.
And when I stop fighting, when I reach the place where I just stop moving, I realize that I can give in. I can. and I will. Because now I'm floating. And I'm no longer carrying myself. And this is where giving in is different than giving up. Giving up means wanting to drown. Both reach the place where fighting is just too difficult, too exhausting, but giving in means wanting rest, giving up means wanting an end. Giving in means someone else will fight for you while you rest.
The Redemption story has never felt so real to me before. and I can't believe that I'm learning the same lessons I have been hoping for others.
I am learning to give in, as I fight for others. The enemy can't get through even when I can't do it anymore. Jesus can and will pick up where we left off. Praise the Lord.
Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."Deuteronomy 1:29-31
As a father carries his son. All the way.
Songs that have been speaking to my heart-
"By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North
"A Little More" by Skillet
"Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real
Thank you, mystery person, for leaving 2 Corinthians 1:8-10 on our door. I know you didn't intend for it to be given to all of us but I think God knew some of us really needed to hear that. Er. see that. =)
Thank you, friend, for watching the "stars" with me where time and space stops. I am really grateful for you just sitting there with me.
And. I love my girls. They bring me so much joy.
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exodus 14:14